So, this is Christmas
We all look around
at his time of year for something magical. 
Unless of course we are a mother or wife or self-appointed elf; then we
are too busy trying to create
something magical.  
In 2016, I determined to make Christmas extra special because
I knew it would be the last one my father would spend with us.  I was right, of course, because he died only
a few weeks after Christmas.  He didn’t
want to miss out on the presents! I ask you, what do you buy a dying man?  No, really, I’m asking. I cannot for the life
of me remember what I gave him.  I
decorated the house, wrapped presents, made a scavenger hunt for the kids and
helped put together an elaborate table setting with my mother.  All the while, caring for my dying
father.  I don’t know how I managed to
buy and wrap all those presents, either. 
In 2017, I was also determined to make Christmas special,
because it was the first one without Dad. 
I made sure to decorate, I helped Mum gather table centres and settings
to take to my sister’s house.  I got
hydrated and went Christmas shopping, then I came home and wrapped everything.  I bought gifts for everyone including the
pets.  Especially, Shelly! 
Oh no- I just remembered a pair of cats who I forgot to buy
gifts for!  ☹ I
usually make their gifts.  I’m not sure I
have it in me this year.  
In 2017, I was hell bent on creating new traditions and I
worked at making the holiday meaningful, Christ-centred, spent with family and
fun.  I tried my level best to make it
easier for me and my mum to not just survive it but enjoy it.  I did okay. 
 
This year, I am tired. 
I want Christmas to be practical and pretty.  I want Christmas to be meaningful, on a whole
new level.  I don’t want to waste money
on junk or items that no one really needs. 
I am also a little bit sad.  In a
way, doing Christmas without Dad is harder this year.  I don’t know why.  My sister doesn’t want us to buy ‘crap’ for
Christmas.  Those were her actual
words.  Yes, thank you, I buy crap for my
nieces and nephews.  That’s what you think
of all the gifts I have purchased over the years for them.  Don’t get me started on my sister.  
This year, I have gone Christmas shopping and bought a few
small items for my nieces.  I am giving
money to my older nephews and nieces as per their requests.  I bought a few things for myself and told my
Mum she can wrap one of them and put it under the tree if she likes.  I am giving my mother an experience – sounds scary,
doesn’t it.  I decided it was time to
start another new tradition.  I will tell
you more about that, a little closer to Christmas.
What’s that you say? 
It’s only 4 days until Christmas. 
Wait, what? 3 days until Christmas?! No, it can’t be! 
Um, I gotta go. 
Christmas Love