Friday, July 22, 2016

Best of AGT: The McFlurry Incident

This was originally posted in December of 2010.  At the time I was sharing a house with a close friend and on extended leave from my work.  I had quite a lot of time on my hands.  I have made some minor improvements (mostly punctuation and grammar related) which is any writer's prerogative on republishing any of their previous work.  I wonder if my housemate remembers receiving the email in question. 

This is an excerpt of an email that I sent to my housemate at work one afternoon to give her a giggle.  It is a story of an escaping McFlurry and an innocent housemate. 
BTW: I have been asked by some of my "older readers" to use a bigger font.  I apologise for the assault on the senses of the "normal" sighted people out there!

Friday, 17 December 2010

Dear Ma'am,
I regretfully inform you that your Mcflurry is missing, presumed eaten by.... hhhmm (looks around innocently) someone! 

You see, ma'am on the afternoon in question (i.e. this one) the freezer was open for just a few minutes.  It seems your half eaten Mcflurry chose to jump out of the freezer and leg it, ginger bread man style!  Unfortunatley the un-named housemate who opened the freezer door, had her hands full of other cold delights and with her pain condition (whatever it is) prevented her from chasing after it.  

As we found the surrounding Macca's cup ripped to shreds beside a nearby stream (we do have those in the 'ridge') we must assume the worst.  I'm so very sorry for your loss. 

We do believe that the culprit could be any of the magical fairytale creatures that are known for this sort of thing: the crocodile that ate Captain Cook's hand and pocket watch, the fox that ate the ginger bread man himself.  Then, of course, there is the infamous Big Bad Wolf that ate Little Red Riding Hood and her dear old Granny (although he maintains that he only wanted the cakes in her basket). When he was accused of eating the Three Little Pigs, he claims he was simply visiting to ask for a cup of sugar (a likely story).  It just goes to show that you just can't trust anyone these days! 

Perhaps if you had labelled your food, much in the same way we do with our pets, your "half an Oreo Mcflurry with the hot fudge stirred in" might have been returned to your freezer promptly and without harm.  We would also like to mention that if you choose to purchase such a dessert again, the uneaten left over half that is sent to the freezer for an "ice cream emergency" tastes delicious with the uneaten half of the chocolate mousse that may or may not have been in the fridge on the day of the alleged incident.  

Again, we'd like to offer our deepest sympathies for your loss and suggest you ask your house mate (innocent as she is) to shout each of you a replacement on the next quiet night you two happen to have at home (like that will ever happen!).

Kindest Regards
Mr F. Tales
Dessert Disappearance Unit

I forgot how entertaining I could be back then.